Head-butting chairs

"You know, if you want your chair to slide under your desk, you could just lower your chair," said the man who had walked past my desk, put on the brakes and backed up so he was standing right before me.

This was a different person from the person who stopped by my desk a few days ago to agree with me that my chair arms were immobile before walking off.

I gave him the bewildered look of an idiot who's just taken a large bite out of a lemon because she was told it was chocolate, "Wha...?"

"You put in a work order a few days ago for the arms on your chair to be lowered so you could slide it under your desk. I was the person who got that work order. The arms on your chair are immobile, so I lowered the chair and slid it under your desk. If you want, I can show you how to lower your chair."

Oh, this was the person who stopped by while I was away from my desk.

I gave him the most pleasant look I could manage. Then, in the sweetest voice possible without resorting to sarcasm, I said, half-joking, "Well, I know how to lower my chair, but I have elbow problems. I need my chair at this height, so I was wondering if I could get the arms lowered or removed so I could slide my chair under my desk when the chair's at this height."

"Well, the arms don't move."

Again, I had to bite my tongue. "Well, do you think they come off?"

"If you want to slide your chair under your desk, they'll have to come off."

OK, we were several seconds in coversation behind each other, but at least we were on the same page. "Great! Can you take them off?"

"Well, I'm here for something else, but I guess I could take a few minutes and see if I could take the arms off."

"Awesome." Suddenly, this guy was my bestest friend ever.

He takes the chair away from my desk and calls someone else over. He takes out a power drill. At this point, I would like to point out that my bestest friend ever is quite unique, because I don't know too many people who carry power tools on their person at any given time. I guess that's why he's my bestest friend ever.

Together, the two guys brought the Aeron to the ground like gay steer wrestlers. (PLEASE NOTE: This is not a statement regarding my bestest friend ever's sexual preferences or even those of his friend. It's merely a observation that bringing an Aeron to its side looks much like gay steer wrestling because the only rodeo I've ever attended was the Gay Rodeo when it passed through Washington DC. As such, I cannot opine on how straight cowboys wrestle steer.)

After a brief tussle and some whirring of drill bits, my bestest friend ever stood up and announced, "Looks like someone's tried to do this before, because the screws have been stripped."

There were two thoughts and feelings that ran simultaneously through my mind: 1.) an absurd sense of relief that I wasn't the only schmuck who thought immobile arms on a chair that's adjustable in every other aspect was an asinine idea, and 2.) brief panic because if the screws were stripped, how was he going to remove the arms?

Thankfully, it came out like this, "So, what does this mean? Can you still take the arms off?"

"Yeah sure, but it'll take a second and be a bit noisy. Let me take it out to the hallway so I don't disrupt your work." What a considerate bestest friend ever. He returned a few minutes later, and before him trotted my docile, newly tamed chair. Armless.



I sat. I spun around. I bounced. I propped my feet up. It felt just right.

Score 0 to The Man.
To the short guy, 1 + a bestest friend ever.