28 November 2007

Chuck hearts Huckabee

Since Chuck is all knowing and all powerful, he doesn't need to believe in evolutionary theory, the separation of church and state or the constitution.

Yep, this ad is legit.

Mister Splashy Pants!!!

Greenpeace is having a whale naming competition to draw attention to ocean conservation and humpback whales currently travelling the Great Whale Trail. Anyone can go on to the Greenpeace website and vote for their favorite whale name. (Yes, I'm talking to YOU.)

Great Whale Trail naming competition

One guess to which name I voted for (me and everyone else).

26 November 2007

Competitive eating IS a sport


The group's chairman, George Shea, said competitive eaters are athletes who train for their sport, working to improve jaw strength and increasing their stomach capacity.

Dr. Lee Kaplan, director of the Massachusetts General Hospital Weight Center in Boston, said concerns over the link between the contests and obesity aren't well founded.

Brian Wansink, a food science and psychology professor at Cornell University, compared competitive eaters to other extreme athletes.

"It's the same sort of person who, let's say, would train really hard and compete really hard in a marathon," said Wansink, author of "Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think."

"It has the same level of competitiveness and compulsiveness," he said. "One we label crazy and one we label as noble, but in reality it's the same sort of process that drives both these people."

"Seeing these guys go at a 20 pound turkey is like poetry," he said. "It's like a dance."

Chuck Norris update

When I last wrote of Chuck Norris, it was to tell you that he can solve our credit crunch if he really wants to. Well, he's no one trick pony. Just to remind you, Chuck Norris can do lots of other things too:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a str*pper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his a** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

24 November 2007

Holiday burnout

I'm all shopped out and haven't even set foot in a store. Since October, I've been bombarded with emails, flyers, catalogs, mailers and websites that have incessantly announced, peddled and pushed HOLIDAY SALE. So much so that I'm completely over holiday shopping. I'm tired of buying things, and I haven't even been buying. It's not even the holidays yet!!!

Oh wait, is that a Cynthia Steffe on sale? Gotta go...

what would jeebus buy?

November 23 is Buy Nothing Day.


"People on both sides of the fence can agree on one thing, and that's that the holiday's gotten out of control," he said.

"We've been convinced that the way to show your love for someone is by what you buy them, by what the price tag is, by what is represented on the receipt. And that's the wrong message to send out," he added.

A review of "What Would Jesus Buy?" in "Christianity Today" questioned whether Talen's act, poking fun at both religion and consumerism, went too far.

"Yes, it's condescending. Yes, it cheapens Christianity," the magazine said, before concluding: "But the whole argument of the film is that our commodity culture has already cheapened Christianity."

Buy Nothing Day was conceived by artist Ted Dave of Vancouver, British Columbia, in 1992, and since then has been championed by Adbusters magazine, said Adbusters campaign manager Paul Cooper.

22 November 2007

Happy Turkey Day!

For more on the turkey, go here.

I'm a little rusty, having not written in some time, so I'll keep this short.


1. Finally make it halfway through QED: The Strange Theory of Light and Matter

2. Take four hours to get to Campbell Hall, normally a two hour train ride from Manhattan (refer to item 1)

3. Accidentally end up in Penn Station, Newark, NJ then missed two connecting trains due to delays (refer to item 2)

4. Spend an hour in Suffern, NY (refer to items 2 and 3)

5. Arrive two hours late to RB's house in Goshen, NY for Thanksgiving dinner (refer to items 2, 3 and 4)

6. Hitched a ride back to Manhattan with RB's brother's in-laws, which only took an hour and twenty minutes (refer to items 2, 3, 4 and 5)

7. Did not finish the other half of QED (refer to item 6). Plan to do the same next Thanksgiving so I can finish the damn book.

18 November 2007

What I did this weekend

I was going to go to bed, but since Yems so kindly hinted I ought to post something, here's what I did this weekend.

Pilates at 6:30am. Client meeting the first half of the day. Conference calls the second half of the day. Urgent issues the third half of the day. Off to New Haven.

If you wondered, no, I don't suffer from some bizarre New Haven fetish that compels me to drive there on my free Friday nights. Saturday was the Yale v Harvard game, and from what I understand from A, both schools were having an undefeated season so far.

(As of this telling, Harvard is having an undefeated season so far.)

A had already left for New Haven hours before, and I was to meet him there where he was having dinner with a bunch of fellow Yalies.

(Don't ask me to explain. I went to a small liberal arts school that had 2,100 students total. As in that's the number of students for the ENTIRE school. We didn't have greeks, football, and we barely had sports teams.)

Dinner was a rowdy affair at Morey's where we drank beer and other alcohol from ginormo trophy cups.  The game and tailgate party the following day was something I've never experienced before.

In some ways, seeing the school spirit and cameraderie that A has with his friends and alma mater make me wish that I had had a similar college experience.  I loved seeing him in his element.

09 November 2007

Back from Big Sky

I just returned from Big Sky, MT after a whirlwind ski/snowboard trip with KG and PW. Brrr.

Montana was cold and empty, and I wouldn't go back there during the winter again. The only friend we made was my snowboard instructor. During the summer, he's a wildlife biologist, and during the winter, he's a snowboarding instructor and cook at the only pub/restaurant that seemed to stay open past 6.

The resort town was really small and undeveloped. One night, we needed to go to the drugstore after dinner. My snowboard instructor had come out from the kitchen to hang with us, and he told us not to bother trying the drugstore, as it must be closed. The town's only pharmacist was at the bar behind us having a beer. How crazy is that?!?! It makes me appreciate how much things have changed these days, and how accessible things are on the east coast.

I've now snowboarded a total of five days over the course of my life, and I have nothing to snow for it except some whiplash and a sore butt! For more pictures of our time at Big Sky, click here.

05 November 2007

I'm baaaack!

Ok, so I've been a inattentive friend, family member and blogger in general. I haven't returned calls or emails, and I haven't been updating this blog either. Er, sorry?

I've been...busy. With what, I honestly couldn't tell you, but it feels like this year has just flown by without much to show for it. But here I am. Back.

So there. No more bitchin about how you never hear from me, 'cause I'm here to catch you up on what I've been up to. So, check back and comment regularly.

I want to hear from you, and I haven't forgotten you. I'm not that easy to get rid of... :-)

04 November 2007

Saw the Tom Otterness exhibit

at the Marlborough Chelsea yesterday with A. It was Tom Otterness' first in five years.

Titled Tom Otterness: The Public Unconsciousness, The Large Immigrant Family was the center of the show and features a 10' high, 10' long, 9' wide bronze of a mother and father gazing at their child who in turn is looking out at the world.

My personal favorite was Large Consumer, 2007 which is a giant bronze of a overweight slovenly man sitting on a bag of money with his mouth wide open. A ramp leads to his mouth and he appears to be gobbling up truckloads of oil and other products, individual workers that push goods up the ramp (that I assume is an allegory for cheap labor), logs, an oil barrel, a pack of cigarettes, a diamond ring and oversized dead fish. Meanwhile, the consumer's enlarged stomach looks painfully distended.

A and I looking at some of Otterness' other greater than life bronzes:

As I am fascinated with all things ginormous or miniature, it would only make sense that I like Otterness' work. I first became interested in Otterness when I came across his exhibit Life Underground at the 14th Street A,C,E subway station.

At first, I thought they were his form of subversive social commentary only to later find out that the curious, sometimes oversized bronze statues scattered throughout the station appearing to be asleep at their posts or hard at work were part of the MTA's public arts program called Arts for Transit. I like Otterness' commentary, but I'll be the first to admit I was disappointed to find that it was sponsored by the Man. :-)

02 November 2007

NASA Aviation Safety Reporting System


A commercial pilot and his first officer fell asleep while approaching Denver International Airport in an A319 Airbus jet, going twice the speed as allowed, according to a federal safety Web site.

In the report filed by the pilot, who was not identified, he said he was flying a red-eye, overnight flight from Denver to Baltimore, and after he landed at Baltimore, he sat on the ground for one hour before he flew back to Denver.

"No rest. Just straight seven hours and 55 minute-flight to Baltimore and back. On this particular day in March 2004, after two previous red-eyes, this being the third red-eye in a row, the last 45 minutes of the flight, I fell asleep and so did the first officer," the pilot wrote.

"Missed all the calls from Air Traffic Control to meet crossing restrictions (where pilots have to be at a certain altitude at a certain location) at the DANDD intersection (the intersection in the sky) in the southeast corridor to Denver. The crossing restriction to be at DANDD was to be at flight level 19,000 and 250 knots. Instead we crossed DANDD at 35,000 feet at Mach .82 (approximately 590 mph)," the pilot continued.

That means that the aircraft was speeding into DIA's crowded airspace with no one awake at the wheel.

"I woke up, why I don't know, and heard frantic calls from Air Traffic Control approximately 5 nautical miles inside DANDD (about 5 miles past DANND)," the pilot said.

"I answered Air Traffic Control and abided by all instructions to get down. Woke first officer up, started down to flight level 22,000 feet as instructed ... Landed in Denver with no further incidents," the pilot wrote.