I better behave my twinkie self

MTR is a huge fan of Stuff White People Like.  Despite MTR's fair skin and blue eyes, he reports that I'm WAAAY whiter than he is.


These are the things MTR likes:
#123 Mad Men
#114 America
#107 Self Aware Hip Hop References
#99 Grammar
#96 New Balance Shoes
#85 The Wire
#76 Bottles of Water
#73 Gentrification
#64 Recycling
#54 Kitchen Gadgets
#53 Dogs
#42 Sushi
#39 Netflix
#26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!)
#19 Traveling
#13 Tea
#11 Asian Girls
#11 Asian Girls
#6 Organic Food


Here are the things I like:
#131 Conan O’Brien
#129 Banksy
#128 Camping
#127 Where the Wild Things Are
#124 Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy
#120 Taking a Year Off
#115 Promising to Learn a New Language
#114 America
#106 Facebook
#99 Grammar
#91 San Francisco
#90 Dinner Parties
#87 Outdoor Performance Clothes
#84 T-Shirts
#83 Bad Memories of High School
#79 Modern Furniture
#76 Bottles of Water
#73 Gentrification
#72 Study Abroad
#64 Recycling
#54 Kitchen Gadgets
#53 Dogs
#51 Living by the Water
#50 Irony
#49 Vintage
#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
#47 Arts Degrees
#44 Public Radio
#43 Plays
#42 Sushi
#41 Indie Music
#40 Apple Products
#39 Netflix
#38 Arrested Development
#35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report
#31 Snowboarding
#28 Not having a TV
#27 Marathons
#26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!)
#25 David Sedaris
#24 Wine
#19 Traveling
#18 Awareness
#15 Yoga
#12 Non-Profit Organizations
#10 Wes Anderson Movies
#6 Organic Food
#5 Farmer’s Markets
#1 Coffee


No wonder my parents are disappointed in me.

Back from Hong Kong!

I got back from Hong Kong last night, and I've a lot to do this year in an effort to reconnect with my Asianness:

First, I have to rehearse my new repertoire of asian picture poses. I thought that all I had to do was make a V with every picture, and I was officially asian, but nope. I've been told that there's an entire catalog of asian poses, many of which can be found on this website: www.asianposes.com. I better start practicing.

Second, I need to make more asian friends. Apparently, one isn't really asian until they have a whole gaggle of asian friends to karaoke and gamble with. I don't gamble or karaoke, but if I have more asian friends, perhaps I'll start. I'll see you at the Casino.

Third? Well, I have to get back to my life. Everything (job search, networking, etc) has been on hold for the last five weeks while I've been overseas. Now that I'm back, it's back to the grind for me again.

I had a rocky start in Hong Kong, but by the time week five came around, I was sad to leave the island. The first two weeks were overwhelming -- first, I forgot about how my dad can be, and second, I haven't been around that many people since I foolishly decided to watch the 2003 Holloween Parade my first year in NY. By the third week, I finally felt comfortable being out and about in HK. I was reminded of all the outdoor activities, interesting people, diversity and awesome food the city had to offer. I saw friends I hadn't seen in a years. I learned to ignore my curmudgeonly dad. My mom was off on break, so I got to spend lots of time with her. It was really nice. If I didn't have plans to meet people in HK, I'd often take a walk around the lake at my parents' place, do a bit of yoga, pet the animals, watch some TV and do crossword puzzles all day. I was sad to leave my parents and come back to face life again.

Back from the land of squat toilets...

Mom, Dad, Grandma and I went to Shenzhen for the first time ever today, and it was an... experience. My twinkie self was completely overwhelmed by the massive amounts of people jammed into tiny spaces, the socially acceptable spitting and littering in public areas, and unenforced traffic signals that drivers consider optional.

The Chinese concept of personal space is amazing in that there isn't one. I rode several elevators that would be considered full by western standards, and in most western societies, the people waiting for the elevator would wait for the next car. Not so in China. Each time the doors opened, the people waiting for the elevator would force their way in, luggage and all. In some instances, they would shove aside the elderly and disabled to make room for themselves. For a society that supposedly reveres the elderly, I noticed several instances where frail old people were shoved aside by younger people: in elevators, on escalators and in the mad scramble for seats once train doors open. It was a fascinating study of modern China.

The people in China may look modern, but their outlook feels provincial. The technology is Shenzhen rivals the most modern and advanced cities, there are tons of luxury cars on the streets, and everyone is dressed in the most recent and trendiest fashions. Yet, in more than one instance, I watched in disbelief as someone tossed his garbage to the ground when a public garbage can stood only several feet away. This blatant disregard for the public good and environmental conservation shows a shortsightedness that feels very provincial and ignorant. It was surprising.

As for the squat toilets? Well, I expected those in China.

in hong kong...

I haven't been here since 2004, and it's different now. It could be because my parents now live all the way out in Tuen Mun now, but I also think that the government has developed the heck out of the islands since I last lived here in 2000. Plus, the SARS scare has made Hong Kong so germaphobic that all public areas are disinfected several times a day. The impeccably clean public bathrooms, elevators and wet markets are a far cry from the Hong Kong I knew growing up.

I flew EVA from SFO to Taipei to HK. I haven't flown a non-American airline in so long that I was completely blown away by the amazing service on EVA. There's more legroom in the economy seats, and each passenger gets a blanket, pillow, slipper and headphones. I didn't even KNOW airlines still give out slippers, blankets and pillows! Wow, remind me to fly EVA more often.

It was a LOOOONG flight, but I made it. I've been here for 1.5 days, and the drama has already begun.

We had to take my step mother to the emergency room today. She woke up with a terrible case of vertigo and couldn't move without the dry heaves. The hospital couldn't find anything wrong with her and just gave her some medication that I assume you take whenever you get seasick. She's sleeping it off now. I feel so bad for her. My dad says this happens to her about once a year, but they don't quite know why.

While it's good to see my family, my dad stresses me out. My relationship with him is always really good from a distance when all we do is chat briefly over the phone or exchange emails. I forget what it's like to be around him all the time. When it comes to me, he's always been hypercritical, and since I've been home (it's only been 1.5 days, but it feels like years), it has felt like I can't do anything right. I've received numerous lectures about how my life is destined to be unlucky, which is why things have turned out the way they have so far, and there's nothing I can do about it. On the flip side, I've also been harangued non-stop about my ability to control my destiny on fun topics such as: I'm a failure at everything I do, I'm too materialistic (not sure where that one comes from, since I don't want to own or buy anything), I lack ambition (because I don't want to own or be responsible for anything), I don't work hard enough, I've made terrible life choices (this should cancel out the unlucky destiny lecture, right?), I'm way past my prime and need to marry asap.

Thanks to my brother's fiance who told my parents that the last two times my good friend P went to NYC it was to see he if had a shot at dating me despite the fact that I barely saw him both times (wtf?!?), I also received a long lecture from both dad and step mom about how I should have married P when I had a chance. In typical Chinese fashion, it's more important for my family to see me married than to see me happily married, as both parents disregard the fact that I'm not attracted to P, I don't want to marry P, and more importantly, P and I as a couple would be a complete disaster.

As much as I love my family (and I really do), I'm suddenly reminded of why I prefer to keep an ocean between them and me and haven't visited since 2004. My step mother is usually around to act as a buffer when my dad gets too insufferable, but without her, being around my dad makes me want to run for the hills. If it weren't for the fact that I've had 15 years to become comfortable in my own skin, my dad's Debbie Downer influence could make even a saint an insecure emotional wreck.

Ah well, old Chinese people are what they are, so this is the way things will always be with my dad. While waiting in the ER, I asked my dad why he always seems so dissatisfied with me. After all, I've never killed anyone or committed a crime. I pay my taxes. Heck, I even pay my parking tickets. His response was that I wouldn't have made it as far in life if he hadn't been so critical. I think he believes that he's responsible for who I've become.

Strangely, he might be right, because so much of me is a reaction to seeing my family as they are and thinking to myself that I don't want to be like that. Which is why I am who I am from the tip of my stubborn, drama-abhorring, twinkie head through my "I-don't-want-to-own-things-just-to-own-things" core on down to my "commitment-shunning-I'll-marry-and/or-have-children-if-and-when-I'm-good-and-ready-even-if-that-means-I-never-marry" toes. The irony is that my father thinks his hypercriticism will make me more of the obedient deferential daughter he wishes he has, but instead, it has made me the daughter he believes is inadequate.

Despite my dad's dysfunctional and crazy behavior (what those of us who have parents like this might also describe as typical Chinese parenting), I realize that it comes from a place of concern and care, so I try to just roll with it. I'm a little tired from all the emotional browbeating, and I wonder if this is the way it'll be for the entire five weeks I'm going to be here. I better settle in for a long ride...