from B:
i told you about c, right? she told that guy that she wasn't going to have sex with him until he wasn't seeing other people (i guess he was seeing other people) and he broke up with her for it. that's SHITTY. guys are ASSHOLES.
Language, B! Language!
As to the rest of what you wrote: Um,wow...?
(C is B's old roommie from two roommates ago)
(if you look at how language is spelled enough times, it starts to look weird.)
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Hmmm... I should know better than to leave a comment about this, but I just can't help myself. I'm that stupid.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand the issue here. In telling him that she did not want to have sex until he was not seeing anyone else, C was honest with "Guy" (let's call him "Guy" and just for fun, let's also give him the visual and emotional persona of "Guy Smiley" from Sesame Street).
C's statement also suggests that she was fully aware that Guy was seeing other people and their relationship/arrangement/whatever they were calling it was not exclusive. In fact, this is why she didn't want to have sex with Guy -- she wanted to be the only one doing so. This is a perfectly reasonable position for C to take, and it was nice of her to tell Guy.
As for Guy, well, he was also honest with C. By ending their relationship/arrangement/whatever they were calling it after C's policy statement, Guy made it fairly clear that he was primarily interested in bedding C and not maintaining their "situation" in whatever form -- even friendship. While this is unfortunate and may have hurt C's feelings (temporarily), in time C will appreciate having been provided with this information early on, without having wasted a lot of time and emotion on Guy in their relationship/arrangement/whatever they were calling it. (This assumes of course that we are not talking about a situation that was going on for a long time, which does not appear to be the case.)
It looks to me like these two people were honest with each other and made the choices that they wanted to make. They both did each other a favor by being up providing clarity to the situation. This is a pretty rare commodity, I think.
In an effort to try and limit the scope of the flame wars that may ensue, yes, there is probably a lot more to this story that I don't know. And I am sure C is a very nice person.
Now I'm off to get my hazmat suit from the dry cleaners.
Funny. I just wrote B an email with one line: "At least he was honest," and was waiting for her response. Then, I saw your comment.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have much in terms of context either, so I'll leave that up to B should she feel compelled to provide it.
My half-assed thoughts:
1. Communication works! At least both C and Guy are up front with each other and know where the other stands on the issue. Despite C's feelings of injustice and unfairness, this is better for both of them in the long run.
2. Timing is everything. We are all in different places in our lives at different times, and as a result, we don't always want the same things. C sounds like she wants to commit to and wants a commitment from Guy, and Guy wants to keep it non-serious and continue playing the field. It's unfortunate that it had to happen -- hurt feelings suck -- but it's very possible that Guy's just not ready or doesn't feel as strongly about C as she does about him.
3. Better now than later. Since C wants commitment and Guy doesn't, better the both of them move on with their lives than spend time trying to make something work when the fundamentals aren't there. It saves on a lot of anger, frustration and heartbreak down the road.
All right - you guys had to have known that I would have something to say about this in response... C actually said to him that she was fine to keep seeing him, but when he pressured her to have sex, she said "No, not unless I'm the only one you're dating." But she never gave him any kind of ultimatum and yes, she knew he was dating others. She never said I can't see you anymore b/c you're dating other people. He literally got so scared of the mere implication of commitment, that he left her a break-up message on her work voicemail. Not in person, not over email, ON HER WORK VOICEMAIL.
ReplyDeleteSomeone really needs to explain to me why MEN (this one in particular was 43 years old) in NYC are so terrified of commitment that they cannot keep seeing a girl after the dreaded "C" word is implied. What his actions imply (in my own warped opinion) is that he was trying to see who was best in bed before he could make an educated decision as to whom he would've liked to commit to. ASSHOLE!!!!
:)
G says (not sure why he can't do this himself):
ReplyDeleteTell C that that’s New York … she can take it or leave it :-)
OK B. You got me here; the message on her work vmail was a dick move. Nothing like coming into work and getting a message like that first thing in the morning, huh?
ReplyDeleteIsn't C glad she's not seeing him anymore, knowing that that's the way he handles things? (Once she gets over feeling hurt and angry, that is.)
PS I like how your "ASSHOLE!" was followed by a smiley.
PPS T, how'd that hazmat suit work out for ya?
Well, leaving a voice mail is pretty classless. Anyone with huevos would have followed it up with an email. Just kidding. He should have spoken with her in person, obviously.
ReplyDeleteCan't say I agree with B's conclusion that Guy was trying to figure out who was better in bed before committing to one of the two. He was simply trying to have sex with two women at the same time, just not simultaneously (though perhaps he would have tried to work that in later). Nothing more, nothing less. The prospect of commitment with either one of them had nothing to do with it, in my humble opinion.
What I can't quite figure out is why Guy felt the need to jump ship when C was not demanding anything of him. Maybe he figured that's where things would be going in a month or two anyway, so he decided to bail. A little shortsighted, if you ask me.
I don't think all men in NYC are afraid of commitment. Wait, did I just write that? Now, that's funny!!!
The hazmat suit's a little bit snug, thank you for asking, Ms. Carbon. Tomorrow, I'm going to exchange it for one in a larger size and a different color -- maybe a neon orange or yellow. Perfect for the fall.
"I don't think all men in NYC are afraid of commitment. Wait, did I just write that? Now, that's funny!!!"
ReplyDeleteI don't believe I need to say anything else...