He said WHAT?

I just got back from a snowboarding trip to Jackson Hole. I had an awesome time and will write more about the week in a bit, but first, I wanted to post a "He said WHAT" entry.

The day our entire group was to arrive in Jackson, WY, flights were delayed by a winter storm. The half of the ski house I didn't know ended up catching the last flight from Salt Lake City to Jackson. My friends (the other half of the ski house) were either delayed for the night in Chicago or were going to arrive the next day. It was just going to be me and five guys for the night.

It was late. We were tired. Someone asked me what I did for a living. I explained I was unemployed. Out of automatic politeness, I asked what he did for a living although I could care less since an occupation doesn't make a person. He responded, "I work for the Japanese government" while pulling on the outside corners of his eyes and making stereotypical slanty Asian eyes. I kid you not.

When my mouth dropped open in disbelief, he explained he was joking, "I'm just kidding. My ex-girlfriend is Chinese, and she used to make all these jokes about Chinks, Asian eyes and stuff. She was so racist."

When I'm in uncomfortable situations, I have two visceral reactions:

1. Run away. When that's not possible, I

2. hide behind politeness and act as if I'm completely unaffected by the situation.

I'm sure it's a combination of my cultural upbringing as a female in a traditional Chinese home, my parents and my natural desire to please people. It's taken a lot of work for me to be comfortable with expressing myself in potentially confrontational or hostile situations.

It was a lot like learning how to drive. Sometimes I'd step on the gas a little too hard and my extreme emotional reaction wouldn't match the situation. Other times, I wouldn't step on the gas hard enough. My tepid reaction would be overruled or dismissed by others, especially those that spoke louder than me, had stronger personalities than mine or made more demands than I did. I definitely have feelings of anxiety when I know I have to have a very direct and frank conversation with someone, but it gets a little easier every time I do it.

When Mr. Slanty Asian eyes used the word Chink and told me it was okay for him to make offensive gestures because he knew one Asian person, I worried that he was indicative of the rest of the people in the ski house (fortunately, it wasn't). If I had been less tired, I would have pretended to laugh it off, but I had been flying for 12 hours. I was too tired to care or to pretend. I didn't care if I was the only person in the ski house that night who thought making slanty Asian eyes and using words like Chink were offensive. I didn't care if my response was going to open me up to more ridicule and stereotypical Asian jokes for the rest of the week. I spoke up, "Wow, that is so offensive. I can't believe you just did that."