He said what?

You know, I don't care what anyone says.  My gut instincts can be pretty right on, and I'll keep listening to them even if it means I'll be a spinster.

Last weekend, I attended a former coworker's 29th bday party.   Before I left that night, the birthday girl's 31 year old brother pulled me aside and asked, "I know it's a bit weird because you're my sister's friend and all, but do you mind if I give you a call some time?"

Under most circumstances, I would have said nicely, politely said "no" right on the spot.  I wasn't particularly into him, and he's my friend's brother.  However, I've been getting a lot of flack lately from friends about how I never give men a chance before I shut them down.  Plus, I really would like to meet a nice young man to date, so I should at least put in some effort.  I gave him my number.  We agreed to arrange date details during the week.

I thought it rather sweet when he called me the next day to chat, but by our second phone call, my instincts began to prove themselves true.

Him: "Hey, when do you want to meet up?"

Me: "I'm pretty booked this week, and this weekend's going to be pretty bad too. What do you want to do? I can make time this weekend.  How about Jersey City or Hoboken?"

(I knew he lived somewhere in NJ, so I thought that was pretty considerate for me to offer to go somewhere where he could drive and park.)

Him: "Why don't you come to Pacific Palisades [his neighborhood]?"

Me: "Where is that?"

Him: "In New Jersey, past Edgewater."

Me: "How would I get there?  Is there a ferry?"

Him: "I don't know.  I think you can take the ferry or PATH and then a bus."

(He has a car.)

I'm by no means a prima donna, but I've never been asked out on a date by a guy who then expects me to go to his neighborhood but doesn't offer to meet me or at least explain how I get to his neighborhood without using 3 different modes of transportation.  I've driven to Edgewater before.  It's a good 45 minutes away from where I live by car or by bus. While I was willing to meet in Hoboken or Jersey City, Pacific Palisades is pretty far out of my way.  There was no way I was going to his neighborhood -- I didn't want to be in a situation where I show up only to find that he had no plans in mind and just wants to "hang out" in his apartment.

Under most circumstances, I would have found a non-confrontational way to flake out on our date, but I was trying to be "open-minded."  So, let me tell you about our date tonight...

We met around 10pm to grab a bite over drinks.  I quickly realized there was a language and culture barrier.  I'm Chinese, but despite being born overseas and emigrating to the US when I was six, I'm a Twinkie.  I don't have a lot of Asian friends (but would like more, if you're offering), and if you met me, you'd never realize I wasn't born in the US.  I think and dream in English even though Chinese was my first language.

He's Korean.   While he grew up in suburban NJ and went to an Ivy League Uni in upstate NY, all his friend are Korean.  He worked in Korea for a while, and he lives in a very Korean part of NJ.  He thinks in Korean, and when he speaks English, he must first mentally translate the Korean to English in his head.

It wouldn't have been an issue except that he took everything I said literally (even the ridiculous things) so we were left having a literal conversation about very concrete things. For me, so much of the flirtation and attraction factor resides in verbal wordplay.

I asked him what he liked to do for fun, and he looked at me blankly.  I asked him what he normally did on weekends. He spent 20 minutes giving me an hour by hour run-down of what he did that weekend.

He likes saunas (not a big deal).  He insisted that I need to visit him in New Jersey, and he'd take me to one.

Him: "You come to Jersey, and I take you."

Me: "Well, we can figure that out some other time."  (It was our first date!)

Him: "No, you come."

Me: "We'll see." (I have commitment issues, and I don't like being told what to do.)

Him: "No, you come."

Me: "What's your obsession with having me go to Jersey?"  (Only half playfully.)

Him: "You come. You come. I take you. You come."  (Voice rising.  Hands gesturing insistently.)

In an effort to gloss over what was obviously going to be a difference in opinion, I let the issue drop.  It wasn't the greatest date in the world, but it wasn't unbearable either.

Until we began talking about what he does for a living.  He's a marketing guy, and he was trying to convince me that with proper marketing, companies can sell anything.  Sometimes, it just takes shock value.  Like the short lived energy drink, Cocaine.  The example he gave was what made the date officially unbearable:

Him:  "You can sell anything, as long as you call it by an interesting name.  Take beer.  If I decided to name beer cum, sperm or jizz, I guarantee you someone will buy it."

I put down the burger I was midway through.  I just wasn't that hungry anymore.

He gets louder, "I mean, there's going to be at least one guy who will dare his buddy to drink a nice cold glass of jizz."  He gestures at the beer on tap.  "And, someone will be like, pour me a glass of cum."

I tried to pretend it didn't bother me, but it did.  I changed the subject, but he kept finding ways to bringing it back to glasses of male ejaculate.  It was completely gross, and by the end of the date, I was convinced that he was just passive agressively trying to find ways to use inappropriate words in a sentence to see if it would bother me.

Even worse, however, was that at the end of the date, he asked if he could see me again.  Since he's the brother of a friend, I treaded cautiously and told him that he could call me, and we'd figure it out.  I knew by then, however, that I'd never go on another date with this guy again.